38 weeks

Yes, it has been a long time since I blogged.  There haven’t been a lot of changes to speak of in that time, I suppose, but the real reason is just pure exhaustion.  I’ve been dilated to 4 cm for almost a month now, and effaced to at least 50 percent (the exact numbers change with the doctor doing the check).  I’ve been in and out of labor and delivery close to 10 times and for the past two weeks I have been going in every 2-4 days for a check.  Today was the ???th check, and still no change.  Praise God. 

So, why do I feel like crying constantly?  Well, contrary to some opinions, being dilated and effaced for as long as I have been is EXTREMELY painful.  There is a horrible tearing sensation whenever I walk, so, if no one is home, I stay put as long as possible.  (I’ve discovered that can be difficult with a two and a half year old, though.)  There is also incredible pressure no matter what position I’m in.  The contractions are consistent and unpleasant, and if she kicks me during them I have to scream (my kids are always active, :-)).  I’ve been offered Tylenol with codine (the only safe thing at this point), but I don’t like medicating.  It does indicate that my doctors know how much pain I’m in, though, that they offered it at all.  My views on medication during pregnancy are fairly well known.  The only really pain relief right now is sleep, when it comes (so again, apologies for not staying in contact right now).  I hit 37 weeks last Saturday (legally full-term), but the doctors prefer not to augment labor until 39 weeks, and I prefer not to ask them to unless there is danger to the baby. 

Today, as I said, there was no change.  In fact, the doctor thinks my dilation might have reduced a little, even though the baby has lowered and is clearly causing direct pressure.  The lack of change is not a danger to her, but the pain it is causing me and the tearing concern my doctor enough that if she doesn’t decide to come before then, we will do pitocin on Saturday and get this party… finished.  This will be considered “augmenting” labor that has already started, as opposed to “inducing” labor.  Lia is healthy and active still, but I’m relieved.  I’m not looking forward to teaching in this condition, but the semester starts this week and things need to be done and classes need to be started on the right notes.  I plan on trying to look as “unpregnant” as possible if I run across my dept. chair; I don’t want to worry him needlessly (and he’s a sweetheart, but a worrier).  I don’t plan on holding office hours this first week, and my classes are back-to-back and close together.  The Lord is making all things possible in His power and timing, but I admit to being a little daunted by this impending week.  I’ve been anticipating an early delivery for so long that this necessary and full-term delivery feels almost unnatural.  I think I’m in shock (not depression, praise the Lord, but on definite emotional hiatus).  All this to say, your prayers are appreciated.  We’re tired, but in good health; we’re bruised, but not broken. 🙂  Just TIRED!  🙂

Beautiful comparisons – John 16:20-22: “I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.”